Have you seen that commercial about depression? The one that says that depression hurts...and that depression hurts everyone. Well, it's the same with divorce. Divorce hurts...and it hurts everyone.
Divorce hurts the woman. Divorce hurts the man. Divorce hurts the children. Divorce hurts friends. Divorce hurts family members. Divorce hurts the church. Divorce hurts everyone.
I'm not talking about myself. Chris and I are very happy. I'm talking about others around me. I'm talking about people I know well. I'm talking about people who used to mean a lot to me. I'm talking about half the church.
When Chris and I got married, we made vows that said, "Til death do us part." I meant every word of that vow. Chris is going to have to die to get out of our marriage. I will die before I get out of our marriage. Others say that too, but why don't they follow through?
Especially if they consider themselves Christians?
What does the Bible teach about Divorce? Read this.
What are the Biblical ground for Divorce? Read this.
Divorce is wrong. It hurts everyone.
It's so funny that I was thinking about this during my shower the other day (where I do all my best thinking) and composed the first half of this blog post. AND THEN, that same day as Chris and I did our devotions before bed, the book we are working through touched a little bit on divorce. He and I had a great discussion about it and agreed on everything we discussed.
I believe that divorce is an act of complete selfishness. Seriously, get over yourself. LOVE is a choice. We learned that as teenagers in our "True Love Waits" conferences. So, when you CHOOSE to divorce, you are CHOOSING not to love someone anymore. I don't believe there's such a thing as "falling in love" or "falling out of love." It's an excuse. Divorce is lazy. Why take the easy way out? Divorce is costly, yes, but it's easy to just leave someone behind isn't it? Why not TRY a little harder and WORK on the marriage. When Chris and I got married, we were told that marriage wasn't easy. I believe that wholeheartedly now. And I love Chris and I honor and respect our marriage and commitment enough to WORK on it, even if I don't want to.
Both mine and Chris's parents drew a picture example for us before we were married....and it looked an awful lot like this:
And when we lose our focus on God, our triangle becomes lopsided, unbalanced.
Now, I'm no expert on marriage...in fact, I've only been married for a year. BUT I'm not an idiot. I know it takes three (God, Man, Woman) to make a marriage work and it takes two (Man, Woman) to break it apart. And once you take out that third element, you're in for a world of hurt.
Divorce hurts....everyone.
Thoughts?
Preach it sister! God not only has to be IN your marriage but he has to be the FOCUS! Without him we are all doomed. I am currently trying to learn what it really means to be the spiritual leader of my house-hold and think that being that leader plays a huge part in the success of a love lasting relationship. Ephesians 5:25 says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." We are the church and we constantly push Jesus away, focus on other things/people, hardly spend enough time with Him, and constantly sin against Him and YET, he is always there, loving us. Nowhere in that verse is it about Jesus other than his love, grace and forgiveness. Jesus was and is completely selfless with His love for us and that is how the husband should strive to love his wife. That is an unearthly kind of love that can only exist with God being the focus of a marriage. 1st Corinthians 13:4-8a says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” And finishes with, “Love never fails.” I don’t know about most, but I know that there are many definitions about what love IS in that passage that MY love IS NOT. Only THROUGH God can my love line up with his definition of love. I will always fall short. My heart feels for the divorced because I know that God did not want them and those closest to them to go through the pain of divorce. The children, many of my friends growing up, are hurt by it the most because it is not God’s plan for a child to be brought up by only a father or only a mother. Exodus 20:12 says “Honor your father AND your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” And Paul quotes this passage in Ephesians 6:1-3 with “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” Many times the divorced husband and wife undermine one other because of the hurt that divorce brings and this causes a lack of unity in authority for the children and makes it very difficult for children to honor BOTH father and mother. Beth and I have just celebrated our first year of marriage and I am very excited for the 99 more to come! I am expecting ups as well as downs and I know that there will be times when nothing makes sense and my focus on God will have to be even greater then. This is why it is so important for the husband to be the spiritual leader and why I am chasing after this role with everything I am right now. 1 in 3 of all adults in America will get a divorce and 1 in 4 of Evangelical Christians will do likewise. I refuse to be that 26% (Barna Group). My marriage will reflect God’s love and character for the entire world to see. And it is only through God’s love that this is possible. Psalm 31:16 “Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.”
ReplyDeleteWell said my friend! Well said.
DeleteI don't think that if you do not want to be with someone anymore, you shouldn't be or feel forced to be or feel that it's wrong for you to want something better and think -they- should also have someone better.
ReplyDeleteIf you are being abused, cheated on, lied to, or just flat out do not -want- to be with someone then by no means should you be with them. If someone throws you or your child out a window, abuses you, abuses the relationship then staying is weak and dangerous.
If you loathe your relationship and you stay just out of wrong reasoning, anything other than loving them and wanting to be with them, aren't you hurting them more? You're taking away your own happiness, theirs, any children born into it, the family will suffer and friends will, too.
Children growing up in a house where two parents are together only because they feel religiously inclined isn't a better situation than them being divorced. They will see the lack of love, respect, want to be there, maybe even want for the children and wish their parents had something better.
I was in a relationship for 5 years, out of many bad choices, I started dating someone else weeks later I had just started talking to, I rushed into a marriage with someone I didn't know 4 months after this. I never loved her, I was in love with someone else. I got married for every wrong reason there is.
My wife stole money from me, had my dogs put to sleep without informing me or permission or any reason, she alienated my family. She would verbally abuse me and more than enough times would just punch me in the face for no reason, then bat her eyelashes and say she did not mean to. I found out she was cheating-with her first cousin no less-and she moved out to go live with him. She got pregnant with her inbred child and I really don't see how me staying would have been healthy or seen as good in any way.
I'm in the middle of a very long divorce, the marriage is my biggest regret, I loathe the woman I said vows to and I have pretty much since I did it. I am now back in the relationship I wanted to be in the first place, with the one I left all those years ago.
I would like to believe that God would more so want his children to be happy and find the path they want rather than just feel like they are stuck in a bad situation over some words and paperwork. I can't say I am really religious but I can't see God wanting those wanting more from their lives and in a relationship to suffer