They told us before we were married that the first year was the hardest. I didn’t believe them. “How could the year after you’re first married be the hardest when you’re so in love?” I thought to myself.

Oh boy. They were right.

I understand it now. You go from the single life where you come and go as you please, you spend money however you want to, you sleep by yourself diagonally across your bed, you set your alarm to go off 20 minutes before you actually need to so you can hit the snooze alarm several times, you are responsible for you and only you. Then you get married and you are responsible and accountable to someone else. You learn to share a bed, a bathroom, and other living space. I thought it would be much like living with sisters but it is most definitely not.

Our first year definitely had it’s ups and downs.

We moved 4 times before the end of the year. Once to our apartment in St. Robert, once to Indiana, and twice after the initial move to Indiana. In St. Robert, we lived a mere 0.4 miles from my job and 1 mile from Christopher’s job. Our schedules matched up and we were able to eat lunch together every day. We bought a truck with the intention of only using it for a few miles a day.

Then came the decision to move to Indiana. The next 5 months were AWFUL. We lived with family (not exactly nice for a newlywed couple) and had to learn how to live with them AND each other. It was difficult, very very difficult and yet it made us stronger and made us love each other more.

I spent 6 weeks jobless when we first moved to Indiana and it was very rough on us financially. Chris had decent job but we knew that for the time being we couldn’t live on his income alone. And I was BORED. Finally, after many days of combing the classifieds and searching the internet, I found a job that helped us get back on track. I loved the people, but hated the hours. It decreased the time we were able to spend together, sometimes we had completely opposite schedules. We knew I needed to find something else. Now I have a good job.

Shortly after that we were able to move to Seymour, where we attended a great church. We found a GOOD apartment at a CHEAP price. We were able to pay our bills on time and build up our savings account.

We dealt with the difficulty of Chris’s schedule. He went from working 6am-4pm and then some overnight shifts (pure torture for me) and then finally 7am to 5pm. We get home at about the same time.

We learned that even though we DO know what we’re talking about, people may not listen to us.

Then we started to learn more about the people around us and learn that we were wrong in our perceptions of them. It’s earth-shattering thinking that someone you know is one way and it turns out that you were completely wrong. It broke our hearts.

I had to learn that my parents aren’t going to be able to fix EVERYTHING. We also learned that our parents are not perfect.

We learned that even though we’ve moved out and are hours away, our siblings can still annoy the heck out of us. And sometimes it’s just better to communicate our issues to them so they know when they’ve hurt you in some way, even though it was unintentional.

We learned that neither one of us is perfect like we thought the other was before we were married, and that it’s just me that’s perfect (kidding!). We learned to communicate our feelings and frustrations and not to go to bed when we’re hurt, angry, or frustrated.

We learned to lean on each other. It’s so easy for me to go to another room and cry my heart out but sometimes it’s okay to let Chris hold me as I cry.

We dealt with terrifying, vivid nightmares as a side effect of birth control (ask me about chicken babies, blood drives, worms, and stalkers sometime). We also learned that my body is going to retaliate against me for going OFF said birth control. We learned that even though our parents were able to get pregnant right away, we have to wait on the Lord’s timing…no matter how badly we wanted it to happen 2 months ago.

This past year has had it's ups and downs, it's highs and lows. However, I wouldn't trade the love that Christopher and I share for anything else this world has to offer.

Happy Anniversary Christopher Aaron. I love you! 

Thoughts

Disclaimer: I am not here to judge. However, this is my blog and I have a right to my own opinion. Please respect my opinion.
 
Have you seen that commercial about depression? The one that says that depression hurts...and that depression hurts everyone. Well, it's the same with divorce. Divorce hurts...and it hurts everyone.

Divorce hurts the woman.  Divorce hurts the man.  Divorce hurts the children.  Divorce hurts friends.  Divorce hurts family members.  Divorce hurts the church.  Divorce hurts everyone. 

I'm not talking about myself. Chris and I are very happy. I'm talking about others around me. I'm talking about people I know well. I'm talking about people who used to mean a lot to me. I'm talking about half the church.

When Chris and I got married, we made vows that said, "Til death do us part." I meant every word of that vow. Chris is going to have to die to get out of our marriage. I will die before I get out of our marriage. Others say that too, but why don't they follow through?

Especially if they consider themselves Christians?

What does the Bible teach about Divorce? Read this.
What are the Biblical ground for Divorce? Read this.

Divorce is wrong. It hurts everyone.

It's so funny that I was thinking about this during my shower the other day (where I do all my best thinking) and composed the first half of this blog post. AND THEN, that same day as Chris and I did our devotions before bed, the book we are working through touched a little bit on divorce. He and I had a great discussion about it and agreed on everything we discussed.

I believe that divorce is an act of complete selfishness. Seriously, get over yourself. LOVE  is a choice. We learned that as teenagers in our "True Love Waits" conferences. So, when you CHOOSE to divorce, you are CHOOSING not to love someone anymore. I don't believe there's such a thing as "falling in love" or  "falling out of love." It's an excuse. Divorce is lazy. Why take the easy way out? Divorce is costly, yes, but it's easy to just leave someone behind isn't it? Why not TRY a little harder and WORK on the marriage. When Chris and I got married, we were told that marriage wasn't easy. I believe that wholeheartedly now. And I love Chris and I honor and respect our marriage and commitment enough to WORK on it, even if I don't want to.

Both mine and Chris's parents drew a picture example for us before we were married....and it looked an awful lot like this:

And when we lose our focus on God, our triangle becomes lopsided, unbalanced.

Now, I'm no expert on marriage...in fact, I've only been married for a year. BUT I'm not an idiot. I know it takes three (God, Man, Woman) to make a marriage work and it takes two (Man, Woman) to break it apart. And once you take out that third element, you're in for a world of hurt.

Divorce hurts....everyone.

Thoughts?